season's greetings

So... Studying for the GRE's and missing my boyfriend person are combining to make me an insomniac/crazy person. I've decided to use this blog as a way to vent all the crazy thoughts in my head and maybe once i've done that I'll be able to go to sleep instead of watching five episodes of (insert sci-fi show here) and then collapsing into a bizarre trance. The odd waking-dreams about robot monster attacks really make me see why tyler durden went nuts and started punching himself in the face.

Also, there is one more thing that is making it hard to sleep. fear. fear of the gift-ocalypse. This is what i've decided to rename christmas as since my fellow employees have instilled in me a terror of the mania and mayhem that will consume us the moment the christmas season begins.

Now, for those of you who don't own a calender we are quickly approaching the holiday season. I'm sure most of you have dreams of sugar plums dancing in your head (whatever that means), But I for one am terrified. The sheer volume of books we received today is daunting to say the least. I ran around for 8 hours today with purpose. Lately I sort of skip about with a vague idea of my responsibilities and machinations about how I can avoid performing said duties while still looking like i'm doing something. But today, looking at the absurd number of things that were supposed to be finished yesterday I thought to myself "dammit cynthia, you're gonna get shit done." And then, nothing happened. I ran around organizing, straightening, putting up signs where no signs had been before. I was taking things off of shelves and putting things on shelves as if my very life depended on it and at the end of the day it looked as though there were just as many items on the list as there had been at 9:45 am. Keep in mind, this is just the beginning. More stuff will be delivered on thursday. Not just books either. A cornucopia of items will be dragged in on pallets three times my size twice a week, and then five times a week as we near the gift-ocalypse you call christmas. There will be cd's, movies, games, puzzles novelty items, and things that are so crappy that they are only called "gift ideas." lame. All of this stuff will be purchased by the frazzled wives and mothers of the mainline. Hundreds of children will be dragged screaming through the store, knocking things off shelves as their parents pick out novelty gifts for friends, family, mailmen, neighbor's dogs, and probably a few gifts for people they don't even really like. All this to satisfy the pagan god of shopping (kidding). Christmas spirit will be trampled under the weight bills, gift receipts, planning, and overly high expectations.

Christmas reminds me of the trips to the theme park that my family used to take. Everyone woke up at 6 am intoxicated with ideas of the unbelievable times that were to be had. then you pile into the car for three hours while one brother is going "i'm not touching you, can't get mad" and the other one is saying "guys. hey guys. listen. guys. yo. hey. guess what." This goes on for three hours until the inevitable fighting ensues. Right when your parents threaten to "turn this car around" you pull into the parking lot and tumble out . Then, the day has finally arrived. You waltz in, expecting icecream, fireworks and roller coasters that reach the fricken moon. What you find instead are lines longer than the car ride it took to get there, water that costs five hundred dollars because the vendors know that it's 98 degrees outside, and rides that seem just a little bit smaller than you remember them.

This is what christmas, with its stupid materialistic traditions, feels like to me. I remember my childhood ones as being amazing but it won't be like that anymore. I won't be able to afford presents for all my relatives, and I probably won't be able to think of anything good enough for the people I really like. I will go into my yearly panic where I realize I really know nothing about the people I supposedly care about because if I did I would be able to think of an epic and awesome present. I will go shopping no less than six times and not find anything. I will cry. Then I will buy something at the last minute, (insert family member or friend here) will say "I love it" and I will not believe them. Here's the thing though. I can actually be a really great gift-giver, just not at holiday times. I am fantastic at buying a present on a completely random day in march because it seemed so perfect. But instead of holding onto that gift until said person's birthday or christmas I give it to them right away. Why would I hold on to something that they will enjoy? I bought it because I love them and was thinking "hey this will be great for__." I was not thinking "i should hold onto this until the opportune moment." Presents, especially little notes, or candies, should be given at completely random times. Once, someone got really excited about buying me an icecream maker then realized they didn't really know me that well because I don't like icecream. I mean, I'm not saying it's the reason we broke up, but i'm sure my fake enthusiasm and later unwillingness to make icecream probably didn't help the relationship.


And now I get to help hundreds attempt to attain their goal of the perfect christmas. I really hope they beat the odds. While I'm wishing for things, I also hope I don't get tackled by crazy grandma's the day after thanksgiving.

cheers